We were never meant to heal alone. Asking for and receiving support as we heal is one of the most vulnerable acts of the heart. It is a tender thing – asking for help, letting someone else be witness to our messy and unperfected unfolding. And yet, it is one of the most powerful choices we can make. Choosing relatedness and opening ourselves to receive care from others is the most direct path to awakening and transformation.
It may seem counter-intuitive or push your internal control and accomplish buttons. For some it may even seem as a diminishing of personal power. But with the right trusted resource, we actually have the opportunity to be more deeply empowered and catalyze our own forward movement in ways beyond our own imagining. This is the potency of caring.
Engaging the support we need gives us a safe space to voice our experience — a space beyond our own internal filters and limiting beliefs — and the opportunity to have our own deeper truth and knowing reflected back to us. When we share with others, we do not use the same expectations and judgments as we do in the mental loop in our minds. The act of sharing pulls us out of our heads and into the present moment, allowing us to find fresh perspective and giving room for the heart to speak.
Everything we need to heal is within us or within our reach, but sometimes connecting to that brilliance is difficult to do on our own. Ultimately, the healing is always our own, but the supportive and knowledgeable environment ensures we are nourished in the process, equipped with the tools we need, and safe to expand.
I will be the first to admit that this understanding and perspective is hard-won for me. For (literally) years in ways both known and unknown, I refused most external help and support in my journey. I barely even admitted to my closest friends and family what challenges I was experiencing, if at all; let alone seeking out support. And it wasn’t because I thought I was an island that didn’t need help or that I thought I could do it all on my own. It took me a long time to grow into knowing that I was worthy of being well cared for and knowing that I must be the one to stand for my own flourishing.
In what was a seemingly obvious understanding turned revelatory point of expansion, I came to realize that even the best teachers and insightful authors and wellness gurus in the world had a team of learned support behind them. They relied on others to allow them to be and express at their highest potential. It was actually their relatedness and acceptance of the care and support of others that allowed them to be their most authentic and impactful selves.
This acceptance of support turned out to be a necessary key in unlocking my own transformation. Several years ago, I read a book about a healing modality very similar to the energy work I had trained in and practiced. I took the tools from the text and practiced them for over a year on my own. It was one of the only things that allowed me to experience lasting improvement with my healing, both in my physiology and my spirit. And yet, I found myself pushing against an unseen ceiling. I started feeling at the end of my scope of knowing what to do and how to heal.
So, I dove into some exhaustive research to find a healer and coach who had the right skill set and experience to go everywhere I needed to go. I needed someone I could trust without limits — which was no small asking. I needed someone who could finally help me move into the experience of wholeness I had diligently tried to figure out by myself for so many years. And luckily, I was able to actually find my unicorn healer. As a healer myself who’d been around the block, I asked a lot in my search; and I was more than a little surprised to actually connect with someone of that capacity and potential.
I was able to achieve more in the first session with my healer and coach than I had ever achieved on my own. We dove in deep from the first moment. And each progressive session demonstrated the power and quickening of finding the right support. I came to understand that the deeper work required the safety and support of my coach to come forward and be integrated. She held the space for me to be able to expand. That is not to diminish the importance and the contribution of the work I had done up until that moment. Rather, it all served beautifully and connected in incredibly meaningful ways. I would not have been ready for or able to do the deeper work without the established foundation of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and inner work.
Choosing the right healer or coach is absolutely vital. They create the container in which the healing unfolds, so be sure to choose someone worthy of your trust and investment. Choose someone who demonstrates the kind of wholeness and values that are aligned with you and where you want to go. But, it is necessary for you to choose. Choose to allow yourself to be well cared for and supported. Choose to receive the environment that will nourish your own transformation. Choose to stand for your full flourishing.
“We don’t need someone to heal us so much as we need someone to be there while we heal ourselves.” -Jordan Bach